This is our life. This is my son in Melt-down mode. AGAIN. Because when he cleaned up his spot after breakfast he dumped crumbs on the floor and we asked him to vacuum them up (he couldn't get the hose into the powerhead).
The past month has been, without a better term DIFFICULT. Maddox has been in constant 'Fight Mode' and has had to deal with numerous obstacles EVERY DAY. My son has a limited number of 'tools' that he uses to deal with stress and exhausts them within minutes of dealing with issues. I have my own 'tools' I use to deal with him and I've honestly exhausted all of them and am at the end of my rope.
Why am I posting this? For many reasons. -My son tests us every day (and other adults/people in his life) and often it doesn't end well -I will fight and advocate for him and his well-being as long as I am living -My son needs a special aide at school to help him get through the day, complete his school work (AND understand it) and stay out of trouble -I am constantly faced with my own obstacles from teachers/other parents/strangers/coaches/friends who think they know better or judge me & my family based on what they see during one of Maddox's melt-downs
I am tired. I am exhausted. I am disappointed. But we get up every morning and keep trying new things. And when they don't work, we go to bed and get up the next day and try again.
This week we visited a very nice naturopath doctor in Red Deer who has a variety of vitamins that 'could' help Maddox alongside the medication he already takes. So we are trying. Maddox is also seeing someone to have his 'School Assessment' updated in case the first one back in Grade 2 missed something or something has changed. We are hoping to get some new Coping Skills or Tools for him to help him get through his days.
What other people/kids at school see is Maddox being Loud, Obnoxious, Disrespectful and Rude. What they don't 'see' is before he reaches that point someone or something has triggered him and he's tried to keep composure and failed and is now lashing out.
What other people/kids at school don't see is Maddox comes home after school every day with a big smile on his face to a 10-month old baby I take care of and spends his afternoons playing with her and doing everything he can to make her smile. Last week when she was upset due to teething and was virtually inconsolable, Maddox took her and rocked her in my arm chair for almost 2 hours to keep her calm until her dad came to pick her up.
They don't see that Maddox grabbed a bag of Halloween candy from our bowl last week and said he was going to give it to his bus driver because he felt bad since he said he has been bad on her bus for awhile.
They don't see that my son still wants me to tuck him in at night with a kiss & hug because he still needs to know that we love him unconditionally regardless of how he acts.
Maddox sees & hears everything. He knows that people think he is just a bad kid. He hears that you think he's dumb and doesn't listen. He tells me his medication doesn't work anymore because of how he acts and how people respond to him lately.
What can you do?
Talk to you kids. Tell them to be kind. No matter what. They cannot know how people are and should treat everyone kindly. Tell them to stop making videos of my son at school, on the playground, on the bus when he is acting out, having a melt-down and posting it. These types of isolated video posts just solidifies to his peers that they only see/remember him when he acts out and has reached his limits. They don't remember the kid who kicked the back of his seat on the bus for 5 minutes (WHILE HE ASKED FOR THEM TO STOP) until he snapped. They don't remember that he was pushed to his limits first and tried to ignore the jab before lashing out and striking back. And if your kid doesn't want to be around Maddox because of his behaviors then that is totally fine. Because we don't want anymore negative outside triggers if we can help it. Feel free to not talk to him or come around if you can't handle our family dynamics. It's ok. We don't fault you for it.
To the father of the kid at school who thinks my son just needs a good spanking. It doesn't work. To the teacher who thinks Maddox doesn't want to be there. He is constantly distracted thinking of other things. He needs something to hold his interest. To the woman at church who told me I'm letting my son be violent and teaching him to be abusive. I'm NOT. In fact we teach about how he can hurt his sister because he is strong and is very athletic. That particular day Sofia triggered Maddox and after Maddox asked her TWICE to leave him alone, she still bothered him, so he lashed out.
Maddox is a work in progress. As we all are. He is not perfect and neither am I. I am not a perfect mother or Mother-of-the-Year. I slip up, I yell, I lose my patience and we start over. We learn as we grow.
What you don't see from this picture is my wonderful husband came over and instead of yelling at Maddox to get up and clean his mess, he asked him if he needs help getting the hose into the power head for the vacuum.
We try. Every day.